IS KATE BEING HUMILIATED BY THE QUEEN?
Here is a finely whipped souffle of imaginary bitchiness: (onyinbo)Angelina Jolie supposedly offered to present the Golden Globe category that Jennifer Aniston was nominated in. Can you imagine the GIFs of the eye contact that would have arisen? To this rumor, the organizers said NO. Birdman spent $100k at a strip club in Atlanta. Avril Lavigne still loves Brody Jenner and she told Chad Kroeger that Brody is the man she should have married. Chad went "over the edge!" I hope it didn't affect his music!
COVER STORY: KATE DEFIES THE QUEEN! The latest KERFUFFLE comes from the fact that the Queen wants Kate to gain more weight in her pregnancy but she CAIN'T! Queen's like, "Bitch, you got a baby, get fat now!" Kate like "I'm super sick, QUEEN, leave me be!" (There is a person in here speculating that Kate weighs 120 pounds at her current 5-plus months pregnant; that seems speciously rude and incorrect.) And of course there was the whole thing about how the Middleton's weren't invited to Christmas. Despite this ROYAL SNUBBING, Kate put up her parents and siblings at her house (the 10-bedroom Ammer Hall), which is two miles away from the Sandringham country estate where Queen Elizabeth was doing her Christmas Thang. This was not chill with the Queen, who by the way doesn't like Kate's $2 million in property renovations and was like "Kate.................." And then Kate was like "Fuck you, Queen Dawg," and on Christmas she skipped Post-Church Queen Feasting to go hang out with her family. Deprived of contact with King Baby George, THE QUEEN CAVED, inviting the Middletons to go shoot some pheasants the next day! Pheasants and Peasants. What a lovely, happy holiday.
Baby Doesn't Solve Everything: Jessica & Justin Edition, Kourtney & Scott Edition, nothing new. Kylie Jenner is OBSESSED WITH LOOKING SEXY. Not like any other 17-year-olds you know, not like it's paying off or anything! Look at the wording of the magazine: Kylie is trying to look like a "more mature sexpot" and "trying to make people forget that she's still actually a kid." The spread goes on to describe her "plumped lips, second-skin dress, mega-hot heels—her attitude screams sex appeal, too." The soft hell of mixed messaging. Finally, the question you've all been waiting for: was a randomly polled group of men happier with Igloo Australia's BEFORE IMPLANTS breasts or her AFTER IMPLANTS breasts? I bet you will never guess.

Comments