YOU CAN GET A SWEETER REVENGE BY NOT GETTING REVENGE AT ALL
When we are angry, it is hard to think about giving to the needy, much less about forgiving those who are mean to us. But if we can make it through the angry times by listening to the wise person inside our head, by venting or by meditating , we will slowly make it to the place of calmness. Then we will respect ourselves all the more for having had the inner strength to make it out of the turbulence of anger and regret.
Getting revenge without getting revenge will take you above ordinary strife, into the land of living the way you want to live. The best revenge is when you no longer care about your enemies and you no longer care whether they care. You are simply wrapped up in the joys of living the way you want to live.
It’s only human to want revenge. But revenge comes with a backlash. Look what happened to Hamlet when he got revenge against his father the king; it led to a “sea of trouble.” You can get a sweeter revenge by not getting revenge at all. Here are some ways to do this by
1. Stop Contacting Them. Whether it is an ex-lover, an ex-friend, and ex-business partner, or a hurtful relative, do not call, write, text or stalk them. Walk away. Walking away is a way of rejecting them The longer you refrain from contacting them, the better you’ll feel and the more they will begin to wonder what happened to you. They may even miss you. And, for sure, they’ll feel powerless because of you don’t react.
2. Channel Your Anger. Find a way to put your anger to use. Be aggressive (but not foolish) about making money, such as by working harder and investing wisely. Join a gym, lose weight, and become magnificently fit. Embark on a mountain-climbing expedition to Tibet. Redesign your apartment or house in a wild new style. Sooth yourself in a health spa. Take care of yourself–with a vengeance!
3. Give to the Needy. Take your mind off your own needs; give to others who are more needy. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a good listener to those who need a sympathetic ear. Befriend those who are in need of a friend. Giving to the needy will not only be of benefit to them, but it will make you feel better about yourself.
4. Vent Anger to Those Who Will Listen. Write a letter to the culprit, but don’t give him/her the satisfaction of sending it. Scream into a pillow. Talk to s sympathetic friend. Let it out, but let it out to yourself or to your friend. Keep those feeling away from the person who hurt you. That person doesn’t deserve it. Keeping the feelings away from that person is a way of saying, “Yes, you hurt me, but you’ll never find out, because you don’t deserve to hear it! I will never let you into my heart again! Ha!”
5. Forgive Them. At times jerks do unforgivable deeds. These actions are so horrendous and despicable you feel you will never forget it. But hating your enemies only hurts you. They get off on your hate and your health suffers. It feels impossible to forgive them, but there is a way. Think about how they got the way they did, about the things that happened to them to make them so mean. Think about how angry and inferior they must feel to make them so mean. Feel sorry for them. Once you do that, you’ll be lighter and you’ll be ready to meet someone who isn’t weighed down by past circumstances.
6. Embrace People Who Are Nurturing. All too often, we get hung up on people are toxic to us, and meanwhile he forgot about those who are nice. Instead of obsessing about your enemy, think about and cherish those who are your true friends and have been your true friends all along. Give them a present or just tell them how much they mean to you. Plan activities with them. Pay attention the people who have always been there for you, not those who are toxic. Do it with a vengeance!
7. Dream. Meditate about your dreams. What would your dream life be? Think about it until you find out, and then dream on. Dream it all out, every detail of it. The more you dream it, the more likely it will happen. Actualizing your dreams will take you above and beyond any lingering thoughts of revenge.
“Living well is the best revenge,” was the title of a 1962 New Yorker essay by Calvin Tompkins and has become a popular saying. It has become popular because it has the ring of truth to it. There is nothing new about the ideas I have presented above, and yet we seem to need to be reminded of them from time to time. When we are hurt, we want to strike back immediately. It takes an enormous effort of will not to do so. We need to understand fully that the sweetness of revenge is but a myth that leads further and further into a life of contentiousness and false well-being.
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