DIVA'S DIARY: So your wife is nosy and checks your call log. Why are you so worried if you have nothing to hide?

I actually think it would be more fun to let het her knock herself out sneaking on your phone as you pretend not to notice and anyway, after 10 times of finding nothing, you would have to be a Russian spy not to give up.

 

According to CIKU KIMANI-MWANIKI, he asked:

 

How much do you trust your partner? For instance, would you trust her to take a holiday without you? Would you trust him to have a drink with an ex girlfriend?
Would you trust your partner with  your phone. For instance, if, say you were in the bathroom and it rang, would you dash out of the  bathroom to answer it, or  just shout, “Tell whoever
it is  I will call back!” Are you one of those people who actually go with their phone to the bathroom (what are you, the official carrier of state secrets) because your partner has a habit of going through it when you are taking a shower?

 

Do you actually have a password for your phone that only you know?

Trust issues will be the end of us, I tell you. But somehow, I think we all need to be distrustful of our partners for us to be able to trust them. Does that even make sense? When we are getting to know someone, especially someone we intend to spend our lives with, we scrutinise everything they do with a fine tooth comb.

We even become suspicious of how they sometimes breathe so hard at night and start wondering who they are dreaming about. We start our trust scale on zero and work upwards, and only the action of our partners will help the scale up, or down, for that matter. Being distrustful only makes us human; not trusting is a way of self-preservation.

But of course there is a limit to this distrust. If trusting too much makes one weird and naïve, distrusting too much makes one a psycho. Finding that middle ground, I think, should be celebrated as one of life’s greatest achievements.

Suppose your wife comes and asks for permission to travel out of the country with a girlfriend for a holiday, a holiday she does not even ask you to finance, would you, with confidence, let her fly to Zanzibar, or would you start shouting threats and demanding to know who she really is going with? As hard as it might be for some men’s egos (especially if she does not ask for financial help), the grown-up thing would be to let her go. Seriously.

First, if your wife is cheating, she actually does not need to go on that foreign holiday to do it, she can do it right under your nose, boss.

Two, if you show someone enough trust, not disappointing you becomes their goal in life. In fact, if she had planned some holiday mischief but you let her go with as little trouble as possible, she will think twice. Common human behaviour – you let someone be, they end up wanting to be who you want them to be, or close.

If you want someone to trust you, you must not lie to them because the predictable outcome of lies is the truth, eventually. And so I pose this question to ladies: Suppose you called your man, asked him where he was and he answered, “Having a drink with Tracy.” Your heart does an angry little salsa because Tracy is his ex girlfriend. What would you do?

First, you should be happy he actually told you the truth. Then you must react calmly – say something like, “Oh, was hoping we could catch up for a drink but since you are already engaged elsewhere….”. If the man is innocent, he will either ask you to join him and Tracy or, and this is more  likely, he will come where you are.