Still single? What's the matter with you?

"You're such a beautiful girl! I can't understand why you're still single!"
"I don't get what those men aren't seeing in you. You're a catch!"
"How is it that a bright, gorgeous woman like you isn't married?"

I get it all the time --the seemingly innocent queries, perplexed, pitying looks, and left-handed compliments. So lovely, so charming, so talented --how in the world am I still single? One of life's great mysteries....

 
And sure, the observations appear benign. At first blush, they'd be considered flattery.
A closer look, however, reveals a secondary message lurking just beneath the surface -- "Well, you certainly seem wonderful, but you're in your 30's or forties and still single. What's that about? Maybe you harbor some man-repelling neurosis or you're such a control freak you scare 'em all off. Something must be going on or else you'd be married like any normal 30 or 40-year-old woman!"

 
They often think it, even if they don't say it. Then again, sometimes they do say it.
"Well, you're pretty picky and high maintenance."
"You probably intimidate a lot of men. Maybe tone it down a notch."

"You've got to make an effort. But don't hunt 'em down! Men can sense desperation!"
I shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Seriously? Are we really having this conversation? It's the new millennium! Didn't women picket and petition and burn their bras to get us past such archaic thinking? I thought this mentality went out with beehive hairdos and vacuuming in heels.

Still . . . I'll admit it. Every once in a while the comments get the better of me. Maybe, they're right. It's true I haven't had a decent relationship in years. I could be messing things up without even realizing it....

So I take a look around, investigate a bit. It's time to get to the bottom of this.
What I find is rather alarming. Myriad messages from sundry sources proclaim that, yes, I'm doing it all wrong. Chick flicks depict quirky, lovelorn women who, after Pygmalionesque metamorphoses, emerge "fixed" and finally suitable for marriage. 


Great, now what? It'll take a complete personality overhaul to straighten out this mess! A daunting task, to be sure, but I'm on my way. All I have to do is identify and correct the character flaw (or two or three) that repels the good ones, and then I, too, will find Mr. Right, just like all my married friends!
Which is precisely where the logic breaks down.


Well, that much I can tell you. I'm happy to let you in on this undisclosed, highly classified information. Are you ready? Brace yourself. THEY GOT LUCKY. And we will too someday, but it just hasn't happened yet.

That's right -- it just hasn't happened yet. Single women aren't screwed up (well at least no more than anyone else out there), we don't need to register for self-improvement seminars or undergo eight years of psychoanalysis. There's nothing more we should or could be doing and nothing we need to change. It just hasn't happened yet.

 HERE IS WHAT YOU SAY TO SOME PEOPLE WHO SINCERELY DRINK  YOUR PANADOL 

Next time they come at us with, "You're such a beautiful girl! I can't understand why you're still single!"
"It just hasn't happened yet."
"I don't get what those men aren't seeing in you. You're a catch!"
"It just hasn't happened yet."
"How is it that a bright, gorgeous woman like you isn't married?"

All together now, "It just hasn't happened yet!"

Don't miss out on the next episode on the bitter truth why some pretty and men are still single and how to live it!