An Open Letter From An HIV-Positive 22-Year-Old

On June 28th, 2002 I sat on the seat that faced the lab scientist in his office and he told me that my results from blood tests, came back positive for HIV. At the time, I immediately thought "my life will change," then I asked myself "why me?".
I remember looking at the picture hanging on the wall to the right, I think there was a car in it. I don't remember because a tear blurred my vision.

I remember that tear was the only one. A tear of shock, alone down my cheek. He told me he was going to make an appointment with the Department of Infectious Diseases of the University Hospital and I had to redo a blood test in the afternoon to get more information about my condition . He asked me if I had any questions. I asked him if I was OK and where the virus was. I was told I was well and that I should not worry. I would be given the date of the next appointment later in the afternoon.

Here's how I learned at age 20 that I was HIV positive.

For several months and years, i had gone with the belief that i had HIV. What do i do? How did i get to have it? hmmmmmmm! Cursing myself and almost God? It was a night mare i didnt know how i was able to wake up from it.


On the first visit to the hospital, I was asked tons of questions to try to determine the origin of my contamination. "Have you been to Africa lately?", "Did you go to the United Kingdom between such and such a date?", "Have you ever practiced anal sex?", "Have you ever used drugs by injection?" etc. I had had unprotected sex a few months before the report and I had an idea of what the origin of my contamination might be, even though I did not really understand.

After all, this guy was clean, he had not been with a lot of partners.  I had given him a blowjob but surely that can't be enough, though?" The virus is present in pre-seminal liquid" the nurse tells me. Ah. I was informed on the subject, and the basics, but like everyone else, I hadn't known that.

I thought of giving back to the society what they had given me, to spread the HIV but no, my religious back ground didn't let me. I was not a prostitute and would not start.

All through my life i had lived with the fact that i was HIV positive not until one fateful day, my precious sister who is adventurous and enlightened, came home with a personal HIV kit, and i was bold enough to ask her to test me. maybe i wanted to know, or maybe i had overcome the fact that i was positive.

Ah you are positive! she told me, but i was indifferent, and then she says 'its a joke' i was like seriously! yes she said. And then she said why didn't you believe i was joking. If only she knew. At first i was so happy with myself to hear i was not positive, i was only a naive little girl and it didnt occur to me to go for more series of test to be sure, i totally believed the lab man.  There and then i went again for a thorough check up.

It all appeared negative. 

Should i sue the hospital that confirmed me HIV positive? or do i forgive? what if i had gone on a rumpy spree to spread the supposed virus and eventually caught it? So many people have committed suicide or even caught HIV when in reality they were negative. 

Am writing this to some people who may have been tested HIV to go for another confirmation in another good hospital. Never spread the virus even if you do have it. Who knows, there could be miracles.

This is my story. Whats yours?