Dysmorphic Disorder: I Never Believed I Was This Beautiful and Hated Taking Selfies or Pictures.
Taking a selfie is often a bit of fun for most people, but for Alanah Bagwell it has a much darker side.
Since developing Body Dysmorphic Disorder in her teens the beautiful 20-year-old has been left so convinced that she is unattractive, she made three suicide attempts and self-harmed.
For four years, she wouldn’t leave her bedroom and even claims she thinks it's "cruel" to let people see her face.
And while the outside world sees a stunning young woman in her Instagram feed, she says she takes up to 200 selfies a day just to find one shot she likes.
"I feel so bad for other people having to look at me. It’s cruel to let them see my face," she said.
"I was trying to take a picture of me that I liked but I’d delete all of them.
"If I posted a picture on Instagram which got hardly any likes it would just make me believe I was disgusting."
"It started when I was about 14-years- old," said the 6ft tall psychology student from Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire.
"I had long blonde hair and I’m really tall and people would stare at me in the street.
"Middle-aged men were the worst. I thought they were looking at me feeling completely repulsed but my mum said the opposite was true. I just didn’t believe her.
"I hated myself so much I wouldn’t go to school and I wouldn’t leave my bedroom.
"My mum had to bring me food and drink, because I had no energy to get myself anything. She would bath and wash my hair once a week too.
"I’d sleep a lot and watch lots of daytime TV or box sets, things like Desperate Housewives, Homes Under the Hammer or Jeremy Kyle.
"By the time I was 16, it got so bad I wanted to die so I tried to overdose on painkillers.
When I was 16, I Googled: 'I’m so ugly I want to die,' and a link to the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation came up.
"The symptoms they described were the symptoms I was suffering but I still didn’t believe I had it."
One in 100 people in the UK suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder - BDD, a clinically diagnosed anxiety that causes people to have a distorted view of how they look.
A small scar becomes a major flaw or a blemish can seem out of proportion, and sufferers become preoccupied with perceived imperfections.
It affects all age groups but usually starts when a person is a teenager.
Getting a diagnosis was a turning point for Alanah, who is speaking out because she wants to raise awareness of BDD, but the road to recovery has been tough and slow.
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