Signs Your Friend Is Actually a Frenemy

Flirting or suddenly issuing social invitations to your ex without you is a red flag. “Nip this in the bud and tell your friend exactly what’s bothering you, what you want to change and how you want it to change,” advises April Mansini, relationship and etiquette expert. 


If a divorce is involved, it’s important not to assume your friend understands the emotions at play, and therefore may welcome this newsflash and communication as part of the friendship learning curve. However, there’s always Girl Code to fall back on: Don’t date a friend’s ex. “If your friend is trying to hurt you intentionally, after you’ve expressed why the playdates with your ex bother you, move on.

Especially if you’re going through a crisis, it’s natural for friends to wonder how things are going. But there are constructive ways to ask questions and then there are obtrusive pokes that only serve to highlight your struggles. For example, if a married friend asks how you manage as a single mom, how your ex is doing on child support, or what you do for sex—she probably doesn’t have your interests at heart. “This person will not grow kinder or nicer,” Klungness says. “She harps about the space squeeze in the single mom's apartment because the square footage of her home is one of the few things in her life's plus column.” But if it’s any consolation, the intrusive questions about money, child support and co-parenting may suggest, perhaps even unconsciously, that your friend is exploring the same path.

Remember when you were younger and you’d talk to your friends on the phone for hours? Texting and social media have made staying in touch a no-brainer, but it has also contributed to estranged relationships. “My feeling is that although we text nearly every day, I need that personal contact with people I care about,” says Irene S. Levine, PhD, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. “To me, it says, ‘You’re important enough that I want to make time for you.’”

 If your friend can’t figure out how to reach out over the phone or in person for months at a stretch, she may just not care enough. “If she has time for Botox appointments, she should have time for brunch,” Levine says. If your pal lives miles or oceans away, use these thoughtful ways to maintain a long-distance friendship.

Curled from the readers digest.