Before we get started: 20% of people reading this article will be
women, 5% of those will be offended and end up emailing me a bunch of
shit like “you’re going to die alone”, and “u can’t get a gf” etc etc.
If you are one of those, you can send hate mail
here. I promise I will read it.
Valentine’s Day
is like every other date night, only with a marketing team on crack.
You see, every guy out there already pays for sex, only on V-Day, he’s
obligated to. Single dudes, before you start reading “forever alone”
comics because your roommate is out getting a 300 dollar blowjob, while
you’re at home playing COD: Black Ops, make a quick mental note of
these:
Dive Bar
Head to your local dive around 11pm. I say 11pm because before then,
there is a good chance that the only girl left at the bar will get a
text from her abusive ex telling her to come over, at which point she
will bounce. If you’ve bought her any drinks, it will have been a
wasted investment. By 11pm, the only girl(s) left at the bar are ones
that won’t be getting picked up. It’s almost like an injured gazelle at
a watering hole. You are a hungry lion, do your thing. Also, you may
have to try more than one bar, because there will be other dudes using
this tactic.
Picture credit: regretfullmorning.
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