Masturbating? Ladies, Read Why These Are Not Meant For Your 'Ho-Ha' But Your Mouth

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In every bad stories, there is a lesson to learn from. The Chidinma Cucumber Saga may have come and gone, but it has strengthened some family. 

There Is Nothing Wrong With Masturbation, No Matter What People Say, It helps you understand your own body so you know what feels good for you during sex, and that is really important.

Even though masturbation is totally great, you need to be smart about it. You still need to be safe and healthy even if you’re just with yourself! Using your hands and whatnot is wonderful, but sometimes using something else to masturbate is more… fun. There are some things though that you should just never masturbate with because they can cause a lot of problems down there. Please, please, please do not use these things to masturbate:

Cucumbers (Or Other Fruits/Veggies)

Please do not stick fruits or vegetables in your vagina. Even if you clean said object, you should not put food up there. Ever. Peeps on the internet will tell you just to put a condom on it, but you know what else you could do? Get a vibrator instead of wasting a perfectly good cucumber that was meant for a salad.

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A mother caught her daughter masturbating with a hand mixer. A HAND MIXER. My initial reaction was "WTF?!" and then my second was "OUCH."

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Candle Sticks

Wax your pubes all you want, but please don't stick wax IN your vagina. Kthanksbye.

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Highlighters, Markers, Pens Or Other Writing Utensils

Writing utensils often have caps, which can pop off and get stuck inside you. They also sometimes have sharp-ish edges, and that's not good for anyone.

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Lollipops

Another confection that is meant for your mouth, not your hoo-ha. Also, logistically, lollipops don't seem that pleasurable, but what the heck do I know?

Shampoo Bottles

First, I've never seen a shampoo bottle that I thought would fit inside a vagina. Second, what happens if the cap opens? You've got a vag full of suds, that's what.

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Vacuum Nozzles

For the love of all things holy, do not use a vacuum nozzle to masturbate.

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Baby Carrots

Baby carrots can and will get stuck in your vagina. Just... no.

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