For 'Yahoo Boys' Only: Here's How to Get Away from the Police
The Nigerian Police cares a lot about the image of Nigeria and so they take the pain to arrest and persecute(not prosecute) persons who have been caught red-handed or exposed by a friend. Now i really don't understand the rational behind the bling bling, big cars, dreads and all. Abi 'dem' curse una?
Na who 'dem' catch be thief o... here's how to get away from the police.
1. Bling-bling
Most young bloods out there wear gold chains or sometimes fake gold chains just to at least feel among, now the things is this, It doesn’t matter if the gold chain is real or not. Nope. You must settle or reach the station.
2. Laptop bag.
Yes, this is a very common norm in the Nigerian police force and even myself was once a victim of this. I was taking a stroll in Benin city on a sunny day when I was highlighted by some Policemen and they were like “Come here. Is there laptop inside your bag? Where is the receipt? Are you carrying it around so you can quickly do the wire?” and I was like “No sir I only have my books inside” and the next thing they said was “Since there’s no laptop inside your bag that means you’re on your way to steal one” Ha…!! Can you beat that…?? Well long story cut short, they had to let me go after series of pleading and Abeq…!!!
3. You’re trekking with iPhone 6.
“Why are you walking on the road with an iPhone 6? Aha! so you have money to buy iPhone but you don’t have money to buy car? You’re one of the people spoiling this country”
Oya, to the station.
4. Driving a Lexus when you’re not looking old and you are not a Davido
“It isn’t your parent’s car, then where did you get money to buy it? And did anybody ask you whether you have a good job or not? Are the papers of the car even original or you downloaded it from the internet?” Mr. Man please follow us to the station, you’ll explain better, and the funny thing is that all this happens so fast.
5. Once they see an international number on your phone.
Why are you calling international number when you’ve not finished talking to people in Nigeria?
Whose business is it that it is your uncle that wants to send you small something? Is he even your uncle? Young man you better settle now or follow us to the station
Whose business is it that it is your uncle that wants to send you small something? Is he even your uncle? Young man you better settle now or follow us to the station
6. When they see anything Western union on you.
T
his would be their exact word if anything like western union or moneygram is found on you “Aha, so you have been in this scamming business for ages even to the extent that they had to give you souvenir as a regular customer ”
his would be their exact word if anything like western union or moneygram is found on you “Aha, so you have been in this scamming business for ages even to the extent that they had to give you souvenir as a regular customer ”
7. When they see a white woman’s picture on your phone
“Very good, so this is the woman that has been sending you dollars isn’t it…?? Young man kindly follow us to the station ”
8. When they spot more than two guys in a car
Make up your minds quickly. Are you a cultists or a Yahoo Boys? Choose wisely because you have to be one of them.
9. When you try to play dumb with them with American accent
You dunno what Yahoo Yahoo means? Your mates that are doing it, do they have two heads? Lets go to the station.”
10. When you have a suspicious name at the back of your Jersey.
Ooh, your name is “wire money”, did your father name you “wire money”…?? Please enter the Hilux so you can go explain yourself better.
For all of you yahoo boys who go to the extreme to kill, destroy, you would surely meet your Waterloo.
Naija real
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